We stop being selfish at 33!

Our selfish outlook takes a backseat when we turn 33 and we start considering others’ feelings more often, a new study has revealed. Researchers at Make-A-Wish Foundation UK, a charity that grants wishes to youngsters fighting life-threatening illnesses, came to the conclusion after studying the attitudes of 2,000 adults aged from 20 to 60. "It's never too early to put other people before yourself," Spokesman Emma Cronin said.

According to the study, when we reach 33, we are also more likely to make an effort with parents and grandparents and take a positive attitude towards ending feuds with family or friends, the Daily Mail reported. The older we get, the more selfless we become in almost all areas of life except volunteering in the community, the report suggested. Most people concur that having kids is the turning point in changing our attitudes towards other people because this is the time when we apparently find ourselves worrying more about others and doing things for them, like checking how they are getting home, offering to help with childcare and doing airport runs.

The study found that 40 per cent of those under 33 admitted being very selfish and putting themselves first in all circumstances. Yet, 40 per cent of this age group often volunteer for charity or their community - higher than any other age group. Researchers found that the age at which we are most selfish is our teenage years, with people revealing that just growing up made them more likely to consider others.

Article Source- http://lifestyle.in.msn.com/relationships/article.aspx?cp-documentid=5682933&page=0

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Top Ten Reasons for Divorce

Some people marry each other, divorce and then re-marry. This sounds ridiculous but it happens and in most of the cases marriage ends in divorce, never to come together again. Most people try to linger on to their marriage. They do not know when to divorce. Let us try to understand the reasons why people want to divorce.
Some frequently cited reasons for divorce:

1. Lack of commitment towards marriage, sexual incompatibility and infidelity

Commitment may be lacking in one of the partners because marriage happens not always out of love. It could be seen as making a good deal and when it is found that the deal is not what he or she expected divorce happens. Besides, people looking for quick solutions cannot sustain marriage for long.

Philandering habits die hard and this leads to infidelity. People with uncontrollable libido or unhappy with his or her partner cannot be loyal to their partners. So when the wife or husband comes to know of his or her partner cheating on him or her divorce turns out to be the answer. The question that arises is when to divorce.

2. Lack of communication between spouses

Without communication no relationship can be effective. Keeping your resentments simmering within, your partner does not come to know what is happening with you and this is likely to create distance between you and your partner.

3.Abandonment, Alcohol Addiction, Substance Abuse

When one of the partners deserts his or her partner for quite some time or a longer period divorce emerges as the answer. One leaves his or her partner because of the latter's bad habits.

Alcohol addiction and abuse prevent marital bliss because of the change in behavior pattern which makes an adverse impact upon mental peace and physical security.

4. Physical Abuse, Sexual Abuse and Emotional Abuse

These abuses are not uncommon and tolerating them is not good and a person who loves himself or herself would not put with such abuses.

5.Inability to manage or resolve conflict

Lack of maturity disables one to manage conflicts and handle personality differences or irreconcilable differences'

6.Differences in personal and career goals

People who cohabit before marriage have higher rates of divorce than people who didn't cohabit before marriage because differences become gigantic in course of time. Initial comfort before marriage was imagined to take things ahead in future but in reality it does not happen.

7. Different expectations about household tasks and financial problems

When expectations do not match it affects relationships most. This leads to personality conflict because none of them are willing to do things or are ready to sacrifice their time and comfort.

Because what one wants the other to do, the other does not do there is dissatisfaction and frustration. In such instances love becomes sour. This exacerbates with financial problems because material needs remain unfulfilled and creates discontent in the minds of both the partners as one cannot give and feels humiliated and the other is frustrated because of long standing inconveniences.

8. Intellectual Incompatibility and Inflexibility

Intellectual incompatibility creates misunderstandings. And the smarter person feels frustrated while the less intelligent partner is mad about not reaching the level of intelligence of the other and makes life miserable for himself or herself and for the others also.

9. Mental Instability or Mental Illness

Insanity does not allow space for normal communication.

10. Religious beliefs, cultural and lifestyle differences

Cultural values clash unless we are highly adaptive in nature. Orthodoxy leads to intolerance and conservatism gags the spontaneity of life. So this leads to divorce after some time of marriage

When a person has a valid reason to divorce, he or she knows when to divorce. After all, there is no point in hanging on to a person. One should take appropriate action and break-off the relationship.

Article Source- http://www.articlesbase.com/divorce-articles/top-ten-reasons-for-divorce-5497400.html

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Rules of Friendship

What are the rules of friendship? What are the guidelines for creating an enriching, productive, and long-lasting friendship? This article answers these questions and more.

A lot has been written about romantic and family relationships but very little about friendship. Why is this? Do friends play a less vital role in our lives?

Most of us approach friendship in a lackadaisical manner as if it is replaceable, temporary, or of less value than family or romantic relationships. Certainly, there is less built-in permanency in a friendship than there is with family members, a spouse, or a committed romantic relationship. But does friendship have a weaker capability to enrich and support our happiness? I would say no. I would also say this is especially true for singles. This is why the rules of friendship are particularly important for singles.

No other people in your life will understand, or sometimes even comprehend, the challenges and benefits of being single than other singles. Family members and friends who have spent most of their lives married will not be able to relate to the struggles and pleasures of being single. This is why friendships with other singles is such a vital aspect to being single successfully. This is also why the rules of friendship are of such importance to being happily single. This is true whether you seeking a partner or not. You will be much more successful in creating a quality relationship with a potential life-partner if you approach it from a position of independence and "preexisting" contentment and happiness.

A few quality single friends can become your family of sorts. They will be the best ones to go to for advice and encouragement on issues related to being single. They might be the ones that you prefer to spend certain holidays with because you all share a common bond and understanding. If you compare this with spending every holiday at a family member's house full of couples, children, and you - the only single adult in attendance - an occasional alternate plan may lift your spirits. Try organizing your own holiday party with your single friends and see how much more fun you have. The ability to have fun with your friends is one of the residual benefits of following the rules of friendship.

If you consider that there are no built-in family or legal ties to support its sustainability, a friendship has certain unique attributes that other relationships do not. Here is a list of attributes that are unique to friendships as compared to family, spousal, and committed romantic relationships. These attributes are not apart of the rules of friendship.

· Friendships can end instantly without any further responsibilities.

· Friendships can last beyond the lifespan of family members and spouses.

· Friendships have no stake in inherence issues.

· Friendships have no stake in career choices.

· Friendships have no legal, social, or monetary obligations that ties them together.

· Friendship are only bound by common interests, shared values, mutual respect, and love.

Rather that present the rules of friendship from the perspective of what a friend should do or be for you, I am going to describe your responsibilities. Since, based on the Law of Attraction, you draw to you and create the type of friendships that you expect and conceive in your mind, it only makes sense to focus on you. Here are the rules of friendship.

Rules of Friendship

· Remain equally loyal in good & bad times.

· Respect the person not the position, title, or assets.

· Always do what you say you will do.

· Never bad mouth a friend to others.

· Keep their secrets a secret. No exceptions!

· Always be an optimist, never a naysayer.

· Always be honest, but never critical.

· Always value and appreciate your friends.

· Always be grateful for your friends. Never take them for granted.

· Always focus on what you appreciate about them, not on what you dislike.

· Consider their point-of-view before trying to get them to see yours.

· Never expect anything. Give what you want to receive first.

· Help without expecting a return favour, but do not do it unconsciously.

· Take a stand in your friendships. Be who you are.

· Do not allow your friends to persuade you to do things that you know are not in your best interest.

· Do not allow your friends to persuade you to violate your morals and principles.

· Do not try to change your friends. Accept them as they are.

· Do not criticize, critique, or condemn your friends.

· Graciously, but firmly, teach your friends how to treat you.

· Maintain your friendships with periodic quality communication by email, phone, and in-person.

· Strengthen your friendships by sharing fun, challenging, and intellectual experiences.

· Let them know how much you value their friendship.

· If you love a friend, have the courage to tell them. (This applies to both men and women.)

If you follow these rules of friendship, you will enjoy many close friendships throughout your life.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/1553128

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HOW TO LET GO OF A PAST RELATIONSHIP: 10 STEPS TO MOVE ON PEACEFULLY

by Lori Deschene

“The amount of happiness that you have depends on the amount of freedom you have in your heart.” ~Thich Nhat Hanh

Nine years ago my heart was in a million little pieces that formed the basis for a million regrets.

I had my first serious relationship in college, when all my insecurities came to a head. My ex-boyfriend had to juggle multiple roles, from therapist to cheerleader to babysitter.

The whole relationship revolved around holding me up. I realized this soon after it ended—that I spent three years expecting someone else to love me when I didn’t love myself. The guilt and shame kept me single for almost a decade.

I dated, but it was always casual. I’d start getting close to someone and then find a way to sabotage it.

Long after I let go of the man, feelings about the relationship held me back. I was afraid of being vulnerable. I was afraid of being hurt. But mostly I was afraid of hurting someone else again and having to live with that.

If you’ve been holding onto an old relationship, now is the perfect time to let go. Here’s how you can start moving on:

1. Practice releasing regrets.

When a relationship ends, it’s tempting to dwell on what you did wrong or what you could have done differently. This might seem productive—like you can somehow change things by rehashing it. You can’t.

All dwelling does is cause you to suffer. When you start revisiting the past in your head, pull yourself into the moment. Focus on the good things in your current situation: the friends who are there for you and the lessons you’ve learned that will help you with future relationships.

It might help to tell your friends to only let you vent for 10 minutes at a time. That way you’re free to express your feelings, but not drown in them.

2. Work on forgiving yourself.

You might think you made the biggest mistake of your life, and if only you didn’t do it you wouldn’t be in pain right now. Don’t go down that road—there’s nothing good down there!

Instead, keep reminding yourself that you are human. You’re entitled to make mistakes; everyone does. And you will learn from them and use those lessons to improve your life.

Also, keep in mind: if you want to feel love again in the future, the first step is to prepare yourself to give and receive it. You can only do that if you feel love toward yourself; and that means forgiving yourself.

3. Don’t think about any time as lost.

If I looked at that unhealthy relationship or the following decade as time lost, I’d underestimate all the amazing things I did in that time. True, I was single throughout my 20s, but that made it easier to travel and devote myself to different passions.

If you’ve been clinging to the past for a while and now feel you’ve missed out, shift the focus to everything you’ve gained. Maybe you’ve built great friendships or made great progress in your career.

When you focus on the positive, it’s easier to move on because you’ll feel empowered and not victimized (by your ex, by yourself, or by time.) Whatever happened in the past, it prepared you for now—and now is full of opportunities for growth, peace, and happiness.

4. Remember the bad as well as the good.

Brain scientists suggest nearly 20 percent of us suffer from “complicated grief”—a persistent sense of longing for someone we lost with romanticized memories of the relationship. Scientists also suggest this is a biological occurrence; that the longing can have an addictive quality to it, actually rooted in our brain chemistry.

As a result, we tend to remember everything with reverie, as if it was all sunshine and roses. If your ex broke up with you, it may be even more tempting to imagine she or he was perfect and you weren’t. In all reality, you both have strengths and weaknesses and you both made mistakes.

Remember them now. As I mentioned in the post 40 Ways to Let Go and Feel Less Pain, it’s easier to let go of a human than a hero.

5. Reconnect with who you are outside a relationship.

Unless you hop from relationship to relationship, odds are you lived a fulfilling single life before you got into this one. You were strong, satisfied and happy—at least on the whole.

Remember that person now. Reconnect with any people or interests that may have received less attention while you were attached.

The strong, happy, passionate person you were attracted your ex. That person will get you through this loss and attract someone equally amazing in the future when the time is right. Not a sad, depressed, guilt-ridden person clutching to what once was. If you can’t remember who you are, get to know yourself now. What do you love about life?

6. Create separation.

Hope can be a terrible thing if it keeps you stuck in the past. It’s not easy to end all contact when you feel attached to someone. Breaking off the friendship might feel like ruining your chances at knowing love again.

It’s helped me to change my hopes to broader terms. So instead of wanting a specific person to re-enter your life, want love and happiness—whatever that may look like.

You will know love again. You won’t spend the rest of your life alone. In one way or another, you will meet all kinds of people and create all kinds of possibilities for relationships—if you forgive yourself, let go, and open yourself up, that is.

7. Let yourself feel.

Losing a relationship can feel like a mini-death, complete with a grieving process.

First you’re shocked and in denial. You don’t believe it’s over and you hold out hope. Next you feel hurt and guilty. You should have done things differently. If you did you wouldn’t be in this pain.

Then you feel angry and maybe even start bargaining. It would be different if you gave it a second go. You wouldn’t be so insecure, defensive, or demanding. Then you might feel depressed and lonely as it hits you how much you’ve lost.

Eventually you start accepting what happened and shift your focus from the past to the future.

You have to go through the feelings as they come, but you can help yourself get through them faster. For example, if you’re dwelling in guilt, make forgiving yourself a daily practice. Read books on it, meditate about it or write about it in a journal.

8. Remember the benefits of moving on.

When you let go, you give yourself peace.

Everything about holding on is torturous. You regret, you feel ashamed and guilty, you rehash, you obsess—it’s all an exercise in suffering. The only way to feel peace is to quiet the thoughts that threaten it.

Letting go opens you up to new possibilities.

When you’re holding onto something, you’re less open to giving and receiving anything else.

If you had your arms wrapped around a huge bucket of water, you wouldn’t be able to give anything other than that bucket, or grab anything else that came your way. You might even struggle breathing because you’re clutching something so all-encompassing with so much effort.

You have to give to receive. Give love to get love, share joy to feel joy. It’s only possible if you’re open and receptive.

9. Recognize and replace fearful thoughts.

When you’re holding onto a relationship, it’s usually more about attachment than love. Love wants for the other person’s happiness. Fear wants to hold onto whatever appears to make you happy so you don’t have to feel the alternative.

You might not recognize these types of fearful thoughts because they become habitual. Some examples include: I’ll never feel loved again. I’ll always feel lonely. I am completely powerless. Replace those thoughts with: All pain passes eventually. It will be easier if I help them pass by being mindful. I can’t always control what happens to me, but I can control how I respond to it.

10. Embrace impermanence.

Nothing in life lasts forever. Every experience and relationship eventually runs its course.

The best way to embrace impermanence is to translate it into action. Treat each day as a life unto itself. Appreciate the people in front of you as if it were their last day on earth. Find little things to gain in every moment instead of dwelling on what you lost.

When I feel like clinging to experiences and people, I remind myself the unknown can be a curse or an adventure. It’s up to me whether or not I’m strong and positive enough to see it as the latter.

Article Source- http://tinybuddha.com/blog/how-to-let-go-of-a-past-relationship-10-steps-to-peacefully-move-on/

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