How does Relationships go Sour?

One of the difficulties of this age is the way we view the needs of each sex in relationship. At the risk of being accused of being sexist, I need to say that in several thousand years of human history, very little has changed in the relative needs of men and women as they ponder relationship.

I'm going to pick on women first and state that my belief from my experiences as a counselor is that women's highest priority in relationship is security. Women need to feel that regardless of what happens in their world, there will be someone on whom they can rely for support.

Men have a different priority, and no, it's not sex. Men need to experience nurturing. They need to feel that there is always someone who will treat them as a prince. Just like mother did, they want to feel that there is a caring warm loving human being there to make them feel good.

In a perfect world this would all come together smoothly and there would be perfect harmony. What then goes wrong most of the time?

Something we all do is we create a little model of the perfect partner in their head which encompasses our view of the universe. We are attracted to a partner who seems to fir that model as closely as possible.

We join that person believing the relationship will always be based on our view of our internally represented partner. The woman sees her man as strong and protective, the man responds to the naturally occurring nurturing and caring behaviors in his woman.

After a while, reality sets in, and both partners perceive change in the other. They both see their partner as different from the idealized model held inside. He shows a self that isn't as strong and protective as he was during the courtship. He demonstrates a need to look after his own needs which sometimes don't include his woman. She demonstrates a need to feel heard and understood, and to express her own unique needs.

In the ideal course of events, effective communication can offset any deterioration in the relationship, but usually what happens is gradual separation as both parties feel betrayed. "You aren't the same person that I fell in love with" is the usual sentiment.

Her response is to attempt to change him from the reality of who he is into the little model of how she created him internally. In doing so she needs to exercise control of his life.

His response is to back away from the relationship blaming his woman for becoming uncaring because, unlike his mother, she wants to express her own needs before his.

The relationship becomes more and more strained until finally either one of the partners decides enough is enough. What extends the painful time of breakup is that the man is often coming from a position of being dependent. He worries that if he doesn't attempt to conform to his woman's attempts to remake him according to her internal image that she will reject him. The woman experiences an increasing weakness as he tries to deal with her behaviors and believes he is unable to provide her with the security she seeks. She feels she has to become the protector in the relationship, a role that runs contrary to her needs for her partner to display.

The solution appears simple and is based on an anthropological concept that men and women have not changed their roles in several thousand years. To create a workable relationship, the male has to be or become strong and protective in his personality. This allows the woman to experience an inner confidence on which she can depend for security and support, and the man is free to be himself without the need to feel manipulated into someone else.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6303783

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Now, an online dating site for dogs!

ennel Club has launched an online dating site for dogs.

The website has been launched to ensure pedigree puppies are healthy and free from genetic problems.

Mate Select is the brainchild of the club - whose primary objective is "to promote in every way, the general improvement of dogs" and will connect pedigree dog breeders.

It aims to put an end to genetic problems caused by some breeders mating dogs who are too closely related, or "inbred".

The club is hoping that the website will make such problems less likely.

"Mate Select is intended to help breeders and puppy buyers to safeguard the future health of pedigree dogs," the Sky News quoted Kennel Club spokesperson as saying.

"It basically enables breeders to perform hypothetical matching online and see what impact a mating will have on the genetic diversity (i.e. the long term health and viability) of the breed that they love.

"It will enable breeders to begin to assess the impact that a proposed mating between Kennel Club registered dogs will have on the genetic diversity of a breed. The service is intended to safeguard the future of pedigree breeds," the spokesperson added.

Puppy buyers are also being taken into consideration.

"It also enables puppy buyers to find out health test results for the parents of potential puppies that they buy," the spokeswoman said.

"This will help to stop people falling into the hands of backstreet dealers, as the results of every single dog registered with the Kennel Club are on this site and so everything is transparent."

"There is nothing of this kind out there for dog breeders and puppy buyers - although clearly there is a need - and we believe it will make a huge difference to the health of puppies and dog breeds," spokeswoman added.


Copyright Asian News International/DailyIndia.com

http://www.dailyindia.com/show/441946.php

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Distance doesn't matter

Distance is the extent or amount of space between two things, points or lines. It may also be defined as the state or fact of being apart in space, as of one thing from another. We can always define the word distance in a way for it to fit the situation we want to describe, but distance can never define a person's love for another.

Many of us are afraid of being in a distance when it comes to relationships. Somehow, people have equated distance to break ups when it does not necessarily apply to all cases of long distance relationships. In one way or another, someone who has never been in the said relationship has made a theory about it. Why do I say theory? It is because I couldn't think of any rationale which explains that being apart will always result to a break up.

Relationships are risks. Long distance relationships are one of the greatest risks, that is probably one of the reasons why not many opt for it. I once was afraid of taking the risk but eventually, I took it. I took the risk not for the sake of taking a risk but because I knew that it was going to be worth it. If we keep on doing the same things, we are going to end up with the same results, right? If you think that long distance relationships are not going to work, why don't you try it before you spread that around? At least you can share your own experience and give out solid reasons why it worked or why it didn't.

If you come to think about it, distance is just a test. If you can last being in a long distance relationship, it just proves how true your love for your partner is. Also, when you both can survive and go the distance, you can safely say that the attraction is not merely physical but something much more than that. When your love is this true, you can be assured that it is going to last. Do not be afraid to take the risk because whenever you need advices, there are plenty that you can seek.

Before you get into a relationship, weigh things first. See if you are ready for such a relationship. If you think you're not ready, then don't go into one. Be patient and wait. When you are ready, you will know it soon enough.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6269939

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What Not to Do on a Date

If you have been on many dates then you probably can figure out what to do and what not to do on any date. But if you are not an expert in dating, you definitely must know what can spoil your date. Let's read what all is a strict no-no in the dating world.

1. Being Rude: Being rude is the number one no-no in dating. When you meet someone, you expect him/her to be polite with you and use soft words wherever possible. Who would like to meet a rude date for the second time? Leave a good impression on him by being extra polite and soft.

2. Cribbing Sessions and negative talk: People love to crib and complain about their jobs, their bosses, workplaces and yes, themselves too. When you are on a date, you are expected to behave in a mature way and talk about yourself and of course your date. If you crib about something, it will make your date feel as if nothing can keep you happy. No one is interested in knowing why things aren't in your favour. So better not talk about them.

People who keep whining and talk bad about their own self can never win the heart of some other person. If you look down upon your own self, then how do you expect your date to respect you? Be joyful and humorous. That's how your date will enjoy your company.

3. Too many Distractions: I find it very irritating when I notice my partner busy with his laptop or mobile while I am saying something. Similarly, when you are on a date, you must not look here and there or play with your mobile. Of course you can attend urgent calls but avoid those cricket updates and love tips and all those calls from friends. Don't let your date feel that she holds no importance in your life. Instead make her feel important by rejecting all calls.

Also do not look here and there when your date is saying something as it shows your lack of interest in him/her. By moving your eyes in all the directions except her might make her feel ignored. Look into her eyes so that she knows you are with her and are confident too.

4. Do not degrade yourself: Never say words that can harm your dignity. When people talk about you behind your back, they should be reminded of positive adjectives and thoughts about you. Saying negative things about your own self will mean degrading yourself. And why would anyone like to meet such a person again in life?

5.Talking about your ex: When you decide to meet a new potential partner, he/she knows that you are ready for something new and that you have put your past behind to move on in life. Now if you talk about your ex with your date, he would get the hint that you are still stuck on him. This is a big turn off for anyone, be it a guy or a girl. Do not let your past spoil your present or future. How can you start a new relationship without keeping your ex in the past?

6. Asking personal stuff and discussing money matters: Yes we all want to know more about our date but that doesn't mean that we start asking personal questions on the very first date. Avoid getting into too many details. If you decide to meet again, you will know more about him/her. Some people are introvert and do not like to discuss much about their personal life. So you must give such people enough time to open up themselves.

Also avoid asking your date's salary or discussing monetary issues like, "What part of your income do you save or give to your family?" Do not get into such sensitive issues too early in a relationship.

7. Giving false information: When you lie, you can fool the other person for some time but not always. Your date may get impressed if you give them false information like, you work in a big company or have a huge business. But for how long can this continue? Someday the truth will be out and then your date may not want to be with you for the simple reason that you lied to him/her.

8. Bad etiquette and hygiene: Have basic etiquette like not talking too much, letting him/her talk, chewing without any noise, etc. Good etiquette leaves a good impression on your date.

Also take care of your hygiene by keeping your nails, clothes and hair clean. To avoid bad breath, use a mouth spray and brush your teeth twice a day. Nobody wants to date somebody who looks dirty.

First few dates are important because they leave an impression that further helps in building a good and strong relationship.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6258963

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The Facebook "Like" Inspires Baby Name

First there was baby “Facebook” and now this: an Israeli couple has named their kid “Like.” Let the Valley Girl jokes ensue.

The Israeli news source Galgalatz reports that Lior and Vardit Adler are the proud parents of a bouncing baby girl named after the Facebook Like button, which recently celebrated its first birthday.

Apparently, the parents were looking to call their daughter something unique. The moniker is not meant to be a gimmick, and they say that they’re not shilling for Facebook. They just like (pun intended) the meaning behind the name.

The Adlers are hardly the first people to saddle their kid with a suspect name. One man offered to name his son Batman if he could get 500,000 people to become fans of his Facebook Page, and another couple named their child Facebook in honour of the role the social network played in the revolution in Egypt.

Granted, naming your child something unusual is not relegated to the realm of social media — apparently “Brooklyn” is an extremely popular name — but the name choice certainly is out there.

What do you think? Would you “Like” the name Like?

Article source - http://mashable.com/2011/05/16/baby-like/

Its all in your Eyes

Just like in the movie "Minority Report," where iris recognition is used to gain access to top secret files, you'll soon be able to log in to all of your personal accounts in the blink of an eye -- literally.

Hoyos Group, a New York-based company founded in 2005, unveiled a new product called EyeLock at the Finovate conference in San Francisco Tuesday --- calling it the first and only portable iris-scanning device for consumers.

Here's how it works: The device, which is the size of a standard business card and weighs about four ounces, comes in the form of a USB drive. Once you install the program and decide which applications to EyeLock, you hold the wand-like scanner in front of your eye, and automatically log in to any password-protected site on your computer -- whether it's Facebook, Gmail, PayPal or your bank account.

No password required. You can even keep your glasses on.Iris recognition, Hoyos claims, makes it much more secure for consumers to access personal information -- and eliminates the risk of fraud."Every time you log in, it reads your iris and creates a unique key, which is a series of numbers, and this key changes every time you log in, so no one can hack it," said Tracy Hoyos, assistant marketing director.While the government and certain financial institutions have tried to implement the idea of eye scans, it's never been developed for consumers, said Hoyos.

And fingerprint security just doesn't cut it, she said. While fingerprints have somewhere around 18 unique points that allow you to identify who they belong to, your iris has 2,000 points, she said.

Dos and Don'ts for Making Friends

Life is often a little sweeter when you have people to share your problems and successes with. Therefore people all over the world are making friends on daily basis and maintaining existing relationships, but what is the best way of gaining a strong network of ticking hearts? And how can one prevent from looking desperate? Those answers and more in this article, here are my dos and don'ts.

Do show your best self

This may be a no brainer but judging from experience this step is often ignored. It's so easy to be at your best, yet so many refuse to do the steps. To make a strong impression make sure your hygiene is top notch, haircut is okay and clothes are stainless. You do not have to look like a Hollywood star or a stepped down governor of a curtain state, but please make an effort. Even a little flinch of hair gel will go a long way in looking approachable.

Don't walk outside the shoes

We often put on masks to achieve better careers, become liked or achieve whatever we desire at a curtain point. And being someone you're not often works out but it sure has its limits. When making a friend assume that you're going to spend a lot of time together with this person, putting on a character will definitely not stand the test of time. We are not designed to be someone we're not for longer periods of time, it's almost physically impossible. And when we do manage, it will only result in a period of unhappiness.

Do the social talk

People often meet based on 1 common interest or more. A favourite soccer team or recipe is instant gold to get that first conversation rolling. With that knowledge in mind, try actively listening for common interests in your (hopefully crowded) neighbourhood. Making friends in a gym, looking your best, and talking about common goods, is guaranteed success for a lasting friendship.

Don't look desperate

I talked about this in the intro; it's a biggie. People have internal radars that can pick up any signal from one of the three communications channels. These are:

• Verbal: spoken words
• Non-verbal: smiles, winks
• Punctual: pauses, sighs, emphasis on words etc.

A desperate person sends negative signals through one of these channels in 9/10 conversations. Think of a slouching position and awkward gaps when desperately trying to find a satisfying answer to a question. So how can you prevent this from happening? Easy: just listen and be genuine. Always try to have your body (chest) open, it shows that you're genuinely interested in the information. Listen actively to your partner and show your interest by asking questions or asking for confirmation about assumptions. It also helps if you send out curtain genuine non-verbal cues to empower your feelings. The most harvesting conversations will be those, in which you're talking less than the person opposite the table, remember that.

And there you have it, my dos and don'ts for making friends. Remember that appearance and genuine interest are the most important steps in making successful contact with other people. Whatever you do always listen, because people will always communicate their true feelings in one way or another. Now go out and have a good time, happy people are more approachable, and I hope this article will bring you just that.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6235903

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Tips for Men - How to Handle Her Guy Friends

With more and more people being able to stay connected and in touch even when they are on the go or move to different areas, it's becoming more common for men to find that they are meeting women with a large amount of guy friends. Now, we all have heard the cliches about not getting jealous just because a woman has guy friends, but when she has a lot of them, they all have her cell phone number, and they all can readily find her on Facebook, it becomes one of those easier said than done kind of things. Fact is, when you date a woman with a lot of guy friends, it's only natural that you are going to feel some kind of insecurity or intimidation.

You're a guy, so you probably have a pretty good clue on what her guy friends really are thinking. Especially when they send her text messages that are unmistakable, leave comments on her pictures that show their real desire... you know that they are hoping somewhere in the back of their mind that one day, they are going to get the opportunity to either hook up with her or have a relationship. Of course, not all of a woman's guy friends feel that way, but most of them probably do.

So, how can you handle a woman's guy friends and still come off as the cool and confident alpha male that you need to be?

First, you need to really see the picture for what it is. Most of these friends are more than likely guys who wanted to date her and entered the friend zone and they really don't have a clue on how to get out of it. That's a good thing for you. No matter how bad they may want her, as long as she sees them as being just a friend... they pretty much have no chance at all.

Don't try to compete with them... you don't have to!

Most of the time, you really never have to compete with them, so why bother? You want them to like you at least a little bit, so that they are not talking behind your back (they will) and so they don't try and block you at every opportunity they can get. Hey, if you really want to show off the fact that you can handle it well, invite them along some time.

Be aware of reality.

The other thing that you need to do if you want to date a woman with a lot of guy friends is, be AWARE of reality. By that I mean, if she has a 'friend' that seems to come over and hang out with her on Friday nights... late at night... chances are he's a friend she fools around with. Yeah, there are some exceptions, just be aware that they are exceptions and not the rule. Sometimes, there are situations where you are forced to compete with another guy, and those are times when you may want to bow out and find a woman who's a little less complicated.

Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/6246281

Kiss your Facebook friend online (for real)

While the rest of the world is rapt by news of international terrorists and stealth special ops missions, perhaps we should offer a little thought to kissing.

Our new Web-oriented world has brought people together in ways never before possible, but we're still missing some elements of human connection. You know, like the physical kind.

The Kajimoto Research Laboratory at the University of Electro-Communications, however, believes it can bring us that nirvana.

It has created a device that looks like a straw, which doesn't seem entirely sensual. Still, you mimic your kissing motion (everyone's is different, naturally). Then the software records your tongue motion and transmits it to your target, who must be someone in possession of the very same device.

Taste, manner of breathing, and tongue moistness are, apparently, all vital ingredients in the kissing experience. The engineers aim to re-create all of these to give the device its full and beautiful power.

Those who are, for reasons of work, economics, or the judicial system, unable to be close to those they love the most will surely leap upon the opportunity to avail themselves of something so intimate.

Social networking and dating sites might also benefit. If you were to discover, before your first date, that your prospective lover kisses like a whale with dysentery, then you might feel it best not to venture on the date.

And yet, in the video I have embedded, the engineers seem to have loftier, and simultaneously ickier, goals.

For example, one engineer says: "If you have a popular entertainer use this device and record it, which could be hugely popular if you offer it to fans."

Indeed. Or it could be hugely repulsive. It could give various "American Idol" contestants vast leeway to entice fans to vote for their tuneless warbling. It could lead to all sorts of fantasies best left in the inner workings of the mind, rather than of the mouth.

Read more: http://news.cnet.com/8301-17852_3-20058849-71.html#ixzz1LV2F2LEu

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